Letters from an adoptee: Displacement

Don’t take me away again, to leave it to chance to be reconnected with these mountains and indigenous lands for another three decades. 

Don’t take me away again to force a gratitude that is masked with a smile yet it was the smile of my youth that held a deep longing to return to my first place- a place I’d never seen. Displacement knows no age it holds all hostage to a home you’re comfortable in yet far away from a home your heart yearns to go to year after year- until the first days you get to set foot on the soil where you first laid your head. 

In isolated instances of reconnecting with culture between the time I was taken away and the time of return- joy- even if for an instant; dancing salsa music, speaking in Spanish and being welcomed by some of my American Latine community. Don’t take me away again for such a long time that I have to again experience not knowing my homeland enough yet not being midwestern enough. 

Don’t take me away again for so long that I forget the smells of Bogota and those who look so familiar to me. Don’t take me away for so long again that I forget the babies in cribs next to each other looking up at me as I visit my orphanage for the first time. Displacement knows no age and it holds all hostage. 

Don’t take me away again yet let me exist in the joy that is being in community with other Colombian adoptees who share lived experiences encouraging each other through our journeys of reconnection that bring both joy and tears that we’ve held inside for too long.

Displacement is a journey of resilience and within each milestone of joy in mine I want to honor those whose journey was simply too much to bear. I hold joy and peace within my journey that no one can take away- so please don’t take me away for so long again. 

~ Matt Nelson